This is the life!

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“I wish I could stay home and not work.  You are so lucky!”                                                                                                                                                      “I know!  Having a constant headache and being broke.  THIS is the life!”

When we work a lot and are constantly on the go, we tend to see people who don’t work as either lazy (if they aren’t trying to work) or on a medical “vacation” (if they have ceased working due to illness or injury).  I did not realize how ignorant this view is until I was put on a medical vacation.  When they told me I could not work any more I was relieved because I was scared of hurting myself or someone else at work while I was having my symptoms.  After a while, I began to feel smothered by the nothingness that had become my life.  Waking up every morning knowing that I would not be productive made me feel useless. When my short term disability ran out I became 100% financially dependant on my family.  I have to ask someone to buy my deodorant.  That is the worst feeling for someone who has worked since age 14.  I worked and worked and worked, and still, Chiari has robbed me of even the most basic of dignities.  I have to find the blessing in it (which is that I have a family willing to sacrifice A LOT for me) and I hold on to that through everything.  There are people in my position who do not have a family that loves them like mine or that is able to contribute financially.  But please, don’t mistake you need for a vacation as an equal for my requirement of not working.  After all the doctor’s appointments, tests, labs, imaging, vomiting, crying, and begging God for mercy, I NEED a vacation.  I can’t afford one, though since I am not able to work.  Be grateful that you have a reason to get out of bed every morning that pays you.  I miss my job fiercely.  From the moment I wake up, I am a bill.  I use electricity, water, I have co-pays, I need toothpaste and food, clothes, AND I have a teenager who needs everything that I do.  Be as thankful for your ABILITY to work as I am for my family’s graciousness everyday.

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