My life is a stressful place to be and so I try to take time multiple times a week to give myself a facemask. It’s funny because the mask does all these wonderful things for my skin and it makes my skin feel sooooo luxurious, but it doesn’t really make me feel beautiful. Even with a headache I am choosing to take time to step away from all of the things that I spend my energy worrying about and I am going to focus that energy on myself.
When I give myself a footbath, I don’t take a book and I often don’t use my phone. I just sit where I can look outside at the trees and sky and think about things that don’t even matter. Things I wouldn’t normally take the time to consider. Yes, my feel look and feel wonderful after a good soak and scrub and especially after I finish the pedicure. That is the best part. The beauty isn’t in my feet, they will get janky again, I promise you that. The loveliness is in the time that I spend caring for myself.
I have questioned beauty a lot lately, I don’t feel beautiful unless I am completing the acts that we normally associate the outcome of beauty with. It isn’t the make up, it is focusing that hard on my face for so long, it isn’t the nail polish, it is putting that care and effort into making them individual.
When I had a job and the funds, I felt beautiful leaving the nail salon or showing off that new haircut. Now, I love painting my own nails and I have cut and dyed my own hair for 26 years. It’s much more fun chopping it off now than showing it off the next day.
Maybe I have had beauty wrong my whole life. Maybe beauty is the act and not the result.