I’m Trippin’!

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The moment I realize my leg stopped working.

One of the issues that follows me in life is the sudden ceasing of my leg’s functionality.  I can just be standing there and it will just stop working.  More often it is when I am turning while walking.  My body just cuts off contact to a limb and boom, I have fallen.  It happened at church one day and I was so embarrassed because people saw, nevermind that I hurt my butt and arm.

This is just one of my medical mysteries and as time goes on, it is just becoming a part of my life.  I love the idea that I am now going to a brain health clinic and they know all of the different disciplines in neurology and are not afraid to use them.  They also aren’t afraid to say that there is the possibility that this will never be solved.

I suppose I have come to a place in my journey where that isn’t as scary to me as it was before.  I am figuring out what my limitations are and with the new therapies I will be going to, I may see some improvement in my quality of life.  In the end, I want to be able to enjoy my life and this place seems like that is their end goal; to bring quality back to life.

So, remember that you are not your illness and that there is joy to be found even on the days filled with pain and despair.  You might have something going on that causes you to be embarrassed because you can’t control it.  It is ok to have a multitude of feelings about it including lots of bad feelings.  That is normal.  At some point, if you are able, face those fears and ignore the faces and reactions of other people.  Eventually, you may learn to just laugh at yourself and accept that in some way you will never fit the “normal” standard.

It’s also ok if you don’t want to show the world your private life and so I can respect trying to minimize the issue and make it unnoticeable in most cases.  However you choose to handle it is fine as long as you deal with it.  Don’t let it be a hindrance to you in pursuing your goals and dreams.  Just be open to being creative because you might have to make some adjustments on how you achieve your goals, but you can do it.

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