So, I have been blogging about sleep deprivation. It was an experience that is nothing like living a full life 20 hours a day. It is like living an eternity in 7 days. Losing hours of sleep means losing track of some of my reality and I am becoming more OK with that.
Being away from home was difficult because on one hand it felt like we had just left the house. On the other hand it felt like we were gone for months and the journey would never end. My mom was the tether between the world I was comfortable with and this new place that was often uncomfortable. I miss the overly sure part of myself, but I am glad that I have people on my side when I need them.
By the time the trip was over, I could have cared less about anything. I just wanted to go home and sleep. I was tired in a way I had never experienced and everything annoyed me. It took a good amount of time to get home. Finally I could see my daughter. I could put on comfortable clothes. I could drink that good coffee. The lack of sleep did not diminish my joy upon arriving home.
It did however allow me to sleep for a few days and things are returning to normal. My head is killing me, school is happening, and I am just trying to keep up with life as it flies by! I am thankful for my naps and my full night of sleep and for being with my family. I hope that I don’t have to do anything like this again anytime soon. I prefer the more boring life of therapies that help me get my mind and body useful again. Now that I have the diagnosis, treatment can be coordinated and I can begin to get my life back on track.
Honestly, I have been home for seven days and I am still extremely tired. I am resting, but the appointments have started and I have to try to make the most of my time. I am still waiting to hear from SSDI, but how wonderful would it have been to have this diagnosis before having the hearing?! Still, I hope that they see that I have spent this entire time trying to get back to work and right now it is not possible with my symptoms. I am trying to not think about that as I head into the Fall season. I am glad that I have direction for treatment. It won’t cure me, but it will make my life a bit more tolerable and that is enough for right now.