The world at large does not have a thorough understanding of recovering from brain surgery. While their lives breeze by marked by accomplishments and milestones, my days are monotonous and almost indistinguishable from one another. My memory started fading over a year ago, and I only have vague recollections of what has been going on in my life. I have not achieved anything, and it makes for very awkward conversations.
Life is full of dreams. They change and mature as we grow and sometimes when we are on the cusp of achievement, the dream dies. I felt this way last year when my doctor told me I would need brain surgery. Everything that I had worked for was snatched from my hand and I was left with what felt like nothing. I could no longer sing arias or even hold my guitar. And when I could hold the guitar, my fingers wouldn’t always cooperate. After surgery, I got a ukulele to help me with retraining my fingers to listen to my brain. It has been the most comforting item during this period of my life. When everyone is sleep and I am wide awake, I can sing and play and feel like my voice is still relevant. I may never go back to school. I may never perform a solo again. I may never be what I thought I would be. I will sing though, and I will imagine all the people whose hearts I could have touched.