Hi Michelle! How is your head?
It may be PETTY, but I am going here anyway. Most people I know are aware that I have had brain surgery. Many know I suffer headaches and other symptoms still. Some actually understand the surgery and issues. A golden few ‘get it’ and they are my favorite folks. (I want so badly to be sorry, but I am not.)
So, prior to my whole head thing, people would say things like, “Hey Michelle, how are you?” or “How are you doing, Michelle?” like normal folk do. There has been a change in the greeting and I am going to be honest, it drives me to the point of unfathomable ire because it turns me into the very thing that I am struggling with.
“Hey Michelle! How is your head?”
Uh, small and hurting, but what about the whole rest of my being? You know, my emotions, my heart, my mental status, and every other part that effectively sums up “MICHELLE” is stripped away and all that is left is a head with a name. I am more than just my head. I know people WANT to hear that my head is doing fine, that allows them to infer that I am also fine. The only answer I have left to give is that I am still alive; My head is still there and as far as we know, my brain is still in it. THEN I AM THE BAD GUY! When they were just trying to be nice and see how I was doing and you know, I shouldn’t pay that close attention to the words people use because sometimes they speak so carelessly…but THAT is the problem, isn’t it?
People speak carelessly. Not choosing their words to comfort one another, but using words that betray their true desire; to get the skinny on someone so that they can either be thankful to God or whatever that person happens to believe in because there was a healing, or to question the validity of one’s faith or illness.
Then I told people I had balance issues, they thought nothing of it. We’re getting old is what everyone likes to say. When they see me with a cane because I fell or do not feel steady, then somehow my issue can be taken seriously. Now that I have a medical aid, I am much more believable. Now the focus is magically pulled back and a fuller picture can be seen. Weird how that works.
If I come back without the cane, I am fine again. Often, people do not take the time to consider the real situation of another person. So, they will ask what is wrong, but they don’t really want to know if it isn’t good or gossip-worthy.
In closing, I want to say that if I am of concern to you, ask about ME. If you are that concerned about my head, ask my neurologist. Choose your words to interact honestly because I feel when there is callousness and fakery in your words, but I usually just allow them to hurt me because I am used to pain.
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