It is hard to imagine that a part of my body that I have had control over for my whole life is now working on its own. I remember thinking I had an infection when it got noticeable. I would have to urgently pee, then like, nothing. Drip, drop. It would happen many times over the day. I sent to the urologist several times, there is nothing wrong with my bladder or my urinary tract. It is getting bad signals from my brain.
The event that made this really fun is when I had a focal seizure and peed on myself in the kitchen. I didn’t realize at the time it was a seizure, I just remember I was looking out the window, then my leg was wet.
I do take a medication now that stops the excess bladder spasms and helps with the incorrect signals, allowing my bladder to actually fill before needing to go to the bathroom but also keeping it closed when I was not going to the rest room. Of course, the muscle it too weak to control stress incontinence and well, that is how it goes!
At 30 something I am getting used to the idea that my body just kinda functions how it does and honestly, this is nowhere NEAR the the worst of my problems right now. I mean it it actually is close in proximity, but not in the grand dysfunction of other “body things”.
Writing about this is super weird because I am such a private person, but I felt so alone after my surgery. After things didn’t go how we expected post-op, I was left to figure out how to handle it. I found some good friends and the best thing they did was explain the underbelly of chronic illness. They told me these things would happen, so while I hoped that it would take longer or we could prevent it I didn’t feel blindsided by the dysfunctions I experience.
So I hope that sharing my own stories helps someone feel like this is just a thing that happens. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but that doesn’t make the rest of us feel better! I also encourage others to share their stories because the more diversity there is out there, the easier it will be for others to relate and feel a little more “normal”.