The BOSS

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The Solution

One of my issues in life is not feeling like I am able to do enough stuff.  I enjoy filling my life up with things to accomplish.  So, I recently had a conversation with a friend that I know speaks from the brain.  I am not saying he doesn’t have a heart, but he does not let his emotions cloud his sound judgment.  I went to him with my feelings, knowing he would give me back factual information and cut through the ambiguity of my emotions.  while he said many encouraging things, the craziest one was to get a part-time job.  My medical team and my lawyers would kill me.  My body would give out.  I don’t expect him to know all of the details concerning my condition, however it got the wheels turning, and THAT is what I needed from him.  I am a woman of many talents and while many of my body parts are failing me right now, I have not given up the hope of going back to living a semi-normal life.

That takes money.  While I languish, waiting for disability, I feel very useless.  So, in his eyes, getting a job will fix some of those problems.  Still, I can’t work by someone else’s hours or by their expectations of my body.

Then it dawned on me.  I have been a business owner since 2010.  I ended up having to get surgery on my nose and throat shortly thereafter and then the accident and the brain surgery, but I don’t need to get a job. I’m a freaking BOSS!  Hahahaha.

He told me to figure out what I was still good at, I bet I can still do loom work and I would love to design a set of handbags.  So, sometimes, you have to go to someone who sounds like they are being harsh (he never used a harsh or condescending tone, he is always very matter-of-fact and pleasant in delivery) to force you to take that really hard look at yourself and say what have I been missing?  This person said this, this person said this, and how do I out it all back together?  Well, I put it back together and now I am getting ready to reopen the creative doors of Haus Of Simeon and I am going to not get a job, I am going to create the job.

Have faith in yourselves, my lovelies!!

Also, check out The Life Of A Music Monkey because I am up to some fun stuff over there talkin bout Chiari and right now anxiety and how I am working through some of my scariest moments of anxiety.

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Me and My Anxiety

Anxiety is a world that I don’t think one can really appreciate without having traveled there in person.  I don’t even think that every who who experiences anxiety experiences it the same way.  For me, the voice in my head is louder and makes much more sense than the voices around me.  It reminds me of every failure, every worry, every fear, and anything else that could possibly go wrong in my life.  It is often the blinders that keep me on the path to mediocrity and the bit I chomp at when I am frustrated with myself for being my own beast of burden.

The upside?  It doesn’t have to last forever!!  With the right support system and some (a lot in my case) of therapy, you can begin to talk down the harmful voice in your head that is locking you inside of yourself.  For me, the most important thing I have done to help myself is to alert my family and let them know when  I am feeling anxious so they can monitor the things I say and help talk me down off of mental ledges.  I used to be ashamed to admit that I had these feelings, but my family doesn’t judge me and they genuinely want to help me get to a place where I can be free to enjoy my life without the shadows of my mind clouding my thoughts.

Check out The Life Of A Music Monkey for more fun readin’ about my life with Chiari Malformation!!

Bills, bills, bills…

Chiari Car Accident Starter Kit.

When I was rear-ended in 2014, I thought that it would be a few trips to the chiropractor and I would be fine.  Here I sit, two and a half years later, and I am wondering how this got so expensive.  I have run up well over $200 thousand dollars in bills and after speaking with my lawyer today, I recieved their final bill!  

We often hear about personal injury lawsuits that pay out millions of dollars.  Really, most people are doing well to get their bills paid after the fact.  I haven’t worked in 15 months!  If it weren’t for the kindness of family and friends, I wouldn’t even be able to male it through the process of suing someone.  

Make no mistake, I am not in this for the money.  I was willing to settle for nine thousand dollars in 2015.  Glad I didn’t.  I just want to be able to live my life and take care of my daughter.  Hopefully, after all of this, I will be able to.