In August 2018 I suffered a series of seizures that were seen by someone else of I was awake for. The first rule after any first aid is NO DRIVING! Which was cool because it turns out I have been having tiny seizures for a while…even driving or eating or swimming. Thank God I didn’t ever hurt myself or anyone else.
As most of us who drive know, it becomes very easy to become a driving commentator or worse, a passenger/back seat driver! It has now been six months and I have had difficulty adjusting to being at the mercy of whoever is driving me, but one day I had to sit in the back seat. Having multiple cars allows me to sit in the front usually, but ole’ Yukon had a misfire so my stepdad picked us up and sitting in the back seat was very different. As a child I loved watching the scenery roll by whether we were going down South or to the bank.
Suddenly I realized there was a while Las Vegas out there that I have ignored in favor of memorizing streets and geographical locations, zip codes, addresses, and everything I needed o get around this city for the past 23 years. Now, I was able to focus on mountains in the distance and appreciate them, look at buildings, watch birds, and I was amazed at how much of the world I have blocked out of my mind.
I think this may (or may not) be a good analogy for my life. For so long I was in charge of it. I decided what I did, ate, how long I slept, and basically everything else. I pushed my body through canyons, up mountains, on rocks, and I god my desired results.
Now, my meds tell me when I will wake up and go to bed. They control my appetite. I have trainers for my body and mind that tell me what to do, how often, and for how long. I have a body that has taken control and tells ME when we go to the bathroom or have insomnia. At first I fought every bit of this by doing more, working hard until I was exhausted. Then the testing period came and I little control over my life, all the tests showed I was normal and that made this process more frustrating,
The seizure in the neurologist’s office is what gave us the green light to start treatment with some confidence until we can get more information.
*Update (because I forgot to publish!): I have spent some time in the emergency room after a seizure last Friday morning and life has only gotten more interesting from there. I did not post because I was completely out of it and I don’t always schedule weeks ahead unless something is coming up.
I have been having seizures any time I participate in a lot of physical activity or even just talk or sing for a while. I woke up Friday morning and I couldn’t move. At the hospital they explained that it was Todd’s paralysis (part of a syndrome, I guess) and it happens after a seizure and you are just kinda stuck there. Luckily I had my CPAP on, but it was a terrifying experience.
I am back to PT twice a day and dance and choir and whatever else I need to do to feel good about my life. If it puts me in a condition to get us closer to the answers I am not going to stop.