My anxiety man.
The thing I have begun to realize about anxiety is that even in the same person, it can manifest itself in different ways. In myself it is often a stream of depressive and negative thoughts that just get worse and more outrageous he longer the cycle continues. Or, I will cook. I will cook for hours and days, all sorts of meals. Way too much for my family to eat. It is a physical show of anxiety. If I don’t have a headache, I will go to the gym and give all of my frustration and anxiety to the weights.
Still, at times I get carried away with my anxiety and we go somewhere off the deep end for a while and it takes some time to get back to reality. It happens. I work through it in therapy, and if you check out The Life Of A Music Monkey you can see my Monkey Countdown where I am working on getting my anxious thoughts under control and turning them around. Everything is a process.
So, don’t be too hard on yourself if you have a day where the negative feelings seem to be winning. You are still an amazing person with the ability to try again and win the fight. I am still on the circuit, I am no champion. I have not defeated the darkness and saved the kingdom. Some days, I just sit in the forest of despair and eat guilt berries, just like everyone else. Eventually, I get back to the task of fighting the battles and winning a bit, losing a bit, and learning a lot in the process.
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